Today, I was thinking about expectations. How do they entitle us, destroy us, manifest themselves in our lives so seamlessly? To what extent do expectations shape our actions, values and self-worth?
In Kite Runner, Amir is constantly fighting a war against who he is and what his father expects from him. He wants nothing more than to feel truly accepted and valued by his father, but he feels that he never quite measures up. He's too sensitive, too weak, and not the son Baba expects to carry on his legacy. In Amir's eyes, Hassan assumes that role.
Because of Amir's perceptions, he tries to sabotage Hassan's relationship with Baba, while trying to enhance his image as the brave son. Amir is the legitimate son; the entitled boy who has everything he ever wanted. Without even knowing the true relationship between himself and Hassan, he feels challenged by the affection Baba shows towards both of them. This is the reason he makes games out of Hassan's illiteracy; to prove to himself that he is the one worthy of his father's attention, not the "stupid" Hazara boy.
The connection between the two young boys was that of brothers. Amir wouldn't find out how true that was until much later. Their relationship was a unique rivalry: Hassan needed nothing from Baba and Amir except Amir's friendship, but Amir viewed Hassan as a friend until he got in the way of Amir and Baba. It was a one sided rivalry- one that Hassan didn't intend to begin and Amir had no control over.
Their relationship reminded me of a book I read a long time ago, Jacob Have I Loved. It tells the story of a girl, Sara Louise, who lives on the Chesapeake Bay with her twin sister Caroline, her mom and dad, and her grandmother. Her sister has always been the talented one, and while Sara Louise spends her time crab-fishing to make money for her sister's voice lessons, Caroline stays behind to help her mother around the house. Her sister's contributions seem to be much more appreciated by the family. Sara feels trapped by her small town and feels under appreciated by family and friends. She's just there. Caroline is considered brave for succeeding despite an illness she suffered as a child, and is adored and looked up to by all.
Does this theme of resentment and need of reassurance sound familiar? Although Sara Louise doesn't take her pain out on others, she definitely wants the pride her parents feel for Caroline's achievements. However similar the plots may be, it was the consequence of expectations that struck me in both stories.
Sara Louise believes that no one expects anything out of her, so she doesn't feel the same positive motivation and pressure that her parents put on Caroline. Her childhood friend, who she had a crush on, proposes to her sister later in the story and they get married. Of course, to Sara Louise this is devastating, but she figures it only makes sense that Caroline would get what she wants in life. Because of this self-deprecating attitude, she lets opportunities nearly pass her by and makes her life in the small town a constant reminder of how she fails to measure up to her sister.
She makes a competition between herself and Caroline that could have been avoided if she valued her own worth more. If she could appreciate what she did for the family instead of trying to compare it to her sister's accomplishments, she could have realized her potential far earlier. The fact is, no one can be directly compared to someone else. Caroline's passion and success in the arts cannot be measured up against Sara's business aptitude and ability to care for her family. Towards the end of the book, Sara realizes the value of her own talents and discovers that she was the force holding herself back all along. This helps her to work up to her potential and succeed.
Expectations can destroy us if we limit ourselves by them. If we strive to the best of our ability to do what we love, maybe we will even discover that "others' expectations" were fabrications of our mind in the first place.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Best of Week: The "Real" Afghans
Throughout the book, we have been discussing the significance of the fake memoir format that Hosseini chose to write his story in. One reason was that Hosseini needed the freedom of fiction to get the true emotions of his story across. As we read, we kept in mind what made the format of 'real fiction' so important to the truth of this story.
On Friday, we discovered another reason. We had been assigned a number of articles to read that explored the Taliban, as well as provided some basic statistics about the troubled country of Afghanistan. This was extremely helpful because it provided me (I can't speak for my classmates) with a clear backdrop for the story. Although I knew the bare bones of the history of Afghanistan, I really needed a clear picture of the conflict the country was going through. As we discussed the political struggle of Afghanistan, I thought of another reason why Hosseini might have chosen to keep his story from being pure fiction- the perfect back story.
Obviously, most of the class was disgusted with Amir for abandoning Hassan and never truly letting Hassan be his friend. We've called him selfish, whiny, and everything in between. How could Hosseini have demonstrated the social ties Amir was struggling with if there was no such thing as Pashtuns and Hazaras? If he didn't have the ability to create the plot around a real conflict and real cultures, it would have been nearly impossible to demonstrate the struggle going on in Amir's mind throughout the book. The fact that it's a real situation saves Hosseini the laborious task of making up a conflict and making the social divide seem real and not 'cheesy' or 'unrealistic'. Now while reading, people can connect to the situation going on today and it brings awareness and understanding of the horrors brought on by Russia and the Taliban.
Why was this the Best of the Week? Because it influences how I view the book. When I connect the social divides Afghanistan suffers to REAL PEOPLE in the world, it changes everything. Books are an incredible resource to understanding the world and its inhabitants, so we should never disconnect a story from the world around us, or we miss its impact. Sometimes its easy to convince yourself that its only a story and nothing so terrible could happen to a country and its people. If we fully accepted that all the time, it would be a miracle if we could get through the news without bursting into tears. That is why this Friday was important. It broke through the 'just a story' barrier and reminded me why this book is a powerful example of real-life fiction.
On Friday, we discovered another reason. We had been assigned a number of articles to read that explored the Taliban, as well as provided some basic statistics about the troubled country of Afghanistan. This was extremely helpful because it provided me (I can't speak for my classmates) with a clear backdrop for the story. Although I knew the bare bones of the history of Afghanistan, I really needed a clear picture of the conflict the country was going through. As we discussed the political struggle of Afghanistan, I thought of another reason why Hosseini might have chosen to keep his story from being pure fiction- the perfect back story.
Obviously, most of the class was disgusted with Amir for abandoning Hassan and never truly letting Hassan be his friend. We've called him selfish, whiny, and everything in between. How could Hosseini have demonstrated the social ties Amir was struggling with if there was no such thing as Pashtuns and Hazaras? If he didn't have the ability to create the plot around a real conflict and real cultures, it would have been nearly impossible to demonstrate the struggle going on in Amir's mind throughout the book. The fact that it's a real situation saves Hosseini the laborious task of making up a conflict and making the social divide seem real and not 'cheesy' or 'unrealistic'. Now while reading, people can connect to the situation going on today and it brings awareness and understanding of the horrors brought on by Russia and the Taliban.
Why was this the Best of the Week? Because it influences how I view the book. When I connect the social divides Afghanistan suffers to REAL PEOPLE in the world, it changes everything. Books are an incredible resource to understanding the world and its inhabitants, so we should never disconnect a story from the world around us, or we miss its impact. Sometimes its easy to convince yourself that its only a story and nothing so terrible could happen to a country and its people. If we fully accepted that all the time, it would be a miracle if we could get through the news without bursting into tears. That is why this Friday was important. It broke through the 'just a story' barrier and reminded me why this book is a powerful example of real-life fiction.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Carry it Forward: Kite Runner
Selfishness. It's something that particularly bothers me in my everyday life, but I'm definitely not immune to it. In fact, I have severe bouts of 'selfish disease', as I have so creatively just christened it.
As I read the chapters following Hassan's rape, they became increasingly difficult to continue. A disturbed sadness gave way to anger as Amir continued to resist redemption and, in turn, Hassan's friendship. This is really just a more complicated way of saying Amir was being a selfish pig.
And his selfishness was not limited to his silence. On the other hand, he desperately wanted someone to find out, but something tells me this wasn't because of a caring attitude towards Hassan. By being found out, and being punished, Amir would be guaranteed something he craved- attention, particularly that of his father. Although Baba would be angry, Amir would get the chance (belatedly) to prove that he had courage to set things right.
His motives were always centered around himself. When he chose not to report the rape in the first place, I can empathize that he was scarred and needed time to process what he had seen. However, he spent no time considering what the experience had done to Hassan and instead focused on his own preservation. The fact that he pushed Hassan away was inexcusable. Hassan had always been present for Amir, and provided him with the attention and loyalty Amir felt he deserved, and didn't recieve from Baba.
As I found myself becoming more and more repulsed by Amir's behavior, I realized that, in a twisted way, I could 'redeem myself' for Amir. While his self-centered motives disturbed me, I had no proof that I would not react the same! That thought alone got me thinking about how I treat others in my day, whether it's not doing something fun with my sister/mom/dad/friend because I'm too tired, or simply not allowing other people's ideas in a discussion to 'get in my way'. If I focus on being someone who puts others before myself in day-to-day matters, I'll feel more in charge of my own destiny because I'll have a say in how I make other people feel. I'll become a better person. And who doesn't want that?
So, as a part of my new resolution, I'm going to go outside and practice field hockey with my mom, even though I'm really not in the mood today. She wants me to succeed in the sport, she enjoys playing it with me, and it won't kill me. See? I feel better already.
As I read the chapters following Hassan's rape, they became increasingly difficult to continue. A disturbed sadness gave way to anger as Amir continued to resist redemption and, in turn, Hassan's friendship. This is really just a more complicated way of saying Amir was being a selfish pig.
And his selfishness was not limited to his silence. On the other hand, he desperately wanted someone to find out, but something tells me this wasn't because of a caring attitude towards Hassan. By being found out, and being punished, Amir would be guaranteed something he craved- attention, particularly that of his father. Although Baba would be angry, Amir would get the chance (belatedly) to prove that he had courage to set things right.
His motives were always centered around himself. When he chose not to report the rape in the first place, I can empathize that he was scarred and needed time to process what he had seen. However, he spent no time considering what the experience had done to Hassan and instead focused on his own preservation. The fact that he pushed Hassan away was inexcusable. Hassan had always been present for Amir, and provided him with the attention and loyalty Amir felt he deserved, and didn't recieve from Baba.
As I found myself becoming more and more repulsed by Amir's behavior, I realized that, in a twisted way, I could 'redeem myself' for Amir. While his self-centered motives disturbed me, I had no proof that I would not react the same! That thought alone got me thinking about how I treat others in my day, whether it's not doing something fun with my sister/mom/dad/friend because I'm too tired, or simply not allowing other people's ideas in a discussion to 'get in my way'. If I focus on being someone who puts others before myself in day-to-day matters, I'll feel more in charge of my own destiny because I'll have a say in how I make other people feel. I'll become a better person. And who doesn't want that?
So, as a part of my new resolution, I'm going to go outside and practice field hockey with my mom, even though I'm really not in the mood today. She wants me to succeed in the sport, she enjoys playing it with me, and it won't kill me. See? I feel better already.
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