Carry it Forward: Kite Runner

Selfishness. It's something that particularly bothers me in my everyday life, but I'm definitely not immune to it. In fact, I have severe bouts of 'selfish disease', as I have so creatively just christened it.

As I read the chapters following Hassan's rape, they became increasingly difficult to continue. A disturbed sadness gave way to anger as Amir continued to resist redemption and, in turn, Hassan's friendship. This is really just a more complicated way of saying Amir was being a selfish pig.

And his selfishness was not limited to his silence. On the other hand, he desperately wanted someone to find out, but something tells me this wasn't because of a caring attitude towards Hassan. By being found out, and being punished, Amir would be guaranteed something he craved- attention, particularly that of his father. Although Baba would be angry, Amir would get the chance (belatedly) to prove that he had courage to set things right.

His motives were always centered around himself. When he chose not to report the rape in the first place, I can empathize that he was scarred and needed time to process what he had seen. However, he spent no time considering what the experience had done to Hassan and instead focused on his own preservation. The fact that he pushed Hassan away was inexcusable. Hassan had always been present for Amir, and provided him with the attention and loyalty Amir felt he deserved, and didn't recieve from Baba.

As I found myself becoming more and more repulsed by Amir's behavior, I realized that, in a twisted way, I could 'redeem myself' for Amir. While his self-centered motives disturbed me, I had no proof that I would not react the same! That thought alone got me thinking about how I treat others in my day, whether it's not doing something fun with my sister/mom/dad/friend because I'm too tired, or simply not allowing other people's ideas in a discussion to 'get in my way'. If I focus on being someone who puts others before myself in day-to-day matters, I'll feel more in charge of my own destiny because I'll have a say in how I make other people feel. I'll become a better person. And who doesn't want that?

So, as a part of my new resolution, I'm going to go outside and practice field hockey with my mom, even though I'm really not in the mood today. She wants me to succeed in the sport, she enjoys playing it with me, and it won't kill me. See? I feel better already.